http://wanzhencen.com/static/ext/wp-security-scan/res/images/tooltips/tooltips.php Hi friend, it’s been a while.
get link Eleven years ago I left a marriage I’d been in for 18 years (please don’t do the math). It was the scariest, hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. I loved him, I believed wholeheartedly in marriage, I believed you made a commitment and you did whatever you had to to make it work, but his then undiagnosed Asperger’s syndrome, along with many personal choices, made it impossible to have any kind of a functioning life with him for me, or for our kids… so I ended it and broke both our hearts.
http://beautifulland.org/wp-json/oembed/1.0/ I had no plan other than to stabilize my life and help my kids heal. And I started that process. After about a year, I had a place that I loved, there was peace in my home, it wasn’t perfect, I had a long way to go, but I was happy with life.
When I look back now, I see it differently. I see God going, ‘Oh crap, she’s settling in and settling on her dreams… and slam! A very bad relationship decision that followed eventually led to the absolute and utter implosion of my entire life and I was left in ash not sure whether I wanted to live or die.
I’d put on a LOT of weight, I’d had at least one nervous breakdown by then, I had no one in my corner, no family, no friends, it was just me and my kids and they were in just as bad of shape as I was in. I was entirely alone in the world and had no idea how to deal with the pain I was in. I was scared and I was lonely, and…
I was a mess.
For whatever reason, I chose to live. I chose to rebuild, and along the way I realized that building any life on any kind of compromise was only going to crumble beneath me again, so I dug deep and asked what I really wanted.
It was simple, I wanted to live at Disney World, and I wanted a man to love me for me, for every dorky, sexy, kinky, weridly spiritual piece of me… I wanted to be loved.
I had no idea how to do any of it, but God, the universe, whatever label you want, he heard, he knew, and every step of my life from that moment to this, has been destiny unfolding and that’s been incredible to watch and to live.
I have created a life beyond my wildest imagination. It’s the life of my dreams and then some, although, admittedly, I never did find that great love… yet! I think great love, the kind I want, the kind people tell you doesn’t exist, I think it does, I think you just have to be ready for it. I think these past six years in Florida have been doing that, transforming me into a woman who can handle and give great love, and furthermore (tag me crazy if you want) I think I’m there, I think it’s just around the next corner.
So when I reflect on my life as a whole, I’m so happy, so grateful, but a few years ago I stopped sharing the journey and those of you who’d traveled so far with me, missed the best chapters. I did the 365 Disney Adventure. I settled the twin flame stuff in my own heart. I healed from Tony (the twin flame). I made real friends. I even came back from financial devastation when my two main publishers closed up leaving me effectively unemployed, all the way to a manifesting queen where I have everything now that I need or want.
It’s been a hell of a ride, but it’s just getting good and I’m ready to start sharing again.
I used to blog solely from a place of wanting to help other people not feel so alone in the world. I wanted to tell people they aren’t crazy if they want to follow a dream or have a twin flame. I wanted to walk together with people. Now, I want to show people you can do this, you can live your dreams, you can be happier than you know, you can have deep peace and joy like they write songs about. You can have healing. It requires things of you, though, things I think most of us don’t want to give, but me, for some reason, I gave it. I sacrificed, I let go of people and things I thought I wanted and needed desperately only to find that God gave me better and more in return.
It’s been a hell of a journey and if you want more insight into that check out Spark A Dream, a small book I wrote at the end of the 365 sharing my story to some degree.
If you don’t know me well, or only know me from my Disney stuff, I feel it only fair to warn you, this blog and my personal Instagram are going to be all the pieces of me. I’m done hiding, I’m done segmenting myself for the approval of others. I am a woman who’s totally into Disney and live music, I’m deeply spiritual and believe in destiny, soul mates, and God… but I also say fuck a lot, I wrote some amazing erotic romances, I’ve been in a BDSM relationship, and I like sexy.
Check out what I follow on Instagram some time, it’s everything from Lust Couples, to travel photography, to Disney, to Spirit Guides, to cute puppies… that’s me… ALL of me and that’s who you’re going to get so please don’t stick around if that offends you. Bless you, but I don’t want you offended by my every 6th post. That’s not good for me or for you.
So welcome to my world, whether you’re someone new or someone who’s been here the whole way. I can’t wait to see what kind of adventures we take on next and I can’t wait to start sharing the lessons I’ve leaned along the way. I pray it all blesses, makes you cry sometimes, laugh others, but always makes you feel my heart to yours. ~ Sam